...and sometimes I lose it

There are times when I miss home badly.

I miss umi, abah, didi, iyad and teh.big time :(

When I'm home, we all sleep in the same room, share the same blanket and all.

Then one night I just couldn't get myself to sleep. I tried so hard but it won't work. Iyad rolled toward me, so did Didi and I just stayed still, watching those two lost in their deep sleep, wandering in their own dreams.

I heard Abah's snoring, poor Abah and Umi had been working hard. That's why I feel bad. I should've done the same too, in terms of efforts I mean.

And then it got me thinking, what if that was my last night living? I'll never hear Abah snoring in the midnight again.
Never had the chance of celebrating Hari Raya with my dearest ones anymore.
Never had the chance of saying goodbye.
Never had the chance of returning home to Abah and Umi.
Never had the chance of pursuing my dreams.

But most of all, I'm just terrified.

All His words lingered in my head all night long.
The promises to those who believe
The definite punishments to those who choose not to believe
The sins I committed
The tiny good deeds that never seem enough

*sigh*

There's a lot more to improve.
Nurul Athirah, wake up.