When Desires Overtake Needs

I love the fact that in this modern digital age, everything is possible with just a click of a cursor. It makes shopping a LOT easier and being the meek me, I fall for things veryyyyy easily. Especially when I found stores that sell CHEAP stuff! Come on maaaan how can I say no to an RM5 moustache ring??

Things even get crazier with Instagram. Everytime I log into my IG account, there comes photos of pretty sweaters, tops, handbags urghhhh why do I even follow those stores asdfghjkl! Few moments later, I'd find myself transferring money from one account to another -___-

However, there are things that I buy without any thoughtful consideration where some clothes end up not suitable for me which often leads to a pile of unused stuff at a corner in my room. Seeing this, I know that it is unwise of me to spend all my (parents') money on worthless purchase. I know that this sickness (lolwhut) needs to stop but I just don't know where to start.    

So the other day when I was browsing through NY Times, I stumbled upon this wonderful article written by the founder of TreeHugger.com, Graham Hill on how he manages to escape from extreme consumerism.  

He explains how he became rich, how he managed to get everything he wanted but still found himself unhappy, and how he finally left his "unnecessarily complicated" life. Read more here. It's worth the read, trust me.

"I have less — and enjoy more.

My space is small. My life is big."

(Graham Hill, 2013).

Bed Rant

Stuck. In the name of necessity. 
Having to conform to whatever rolls,
without the rush to even glance. 

Hence the art of what-ifs.
Question after question. 

When can I go my own way,
and perhaps, feel free?

But then what free is there  
when company is uncertain?

The choice is yours, you'd say.

Choice? Ha! 

MARIFEST 2012

What is it, you might wonder. It's Mahallah Ruqayyah International Festival. I'm not usually concerned over getting involved in any kinds of festivals unless someone informs me about them but since it's organised by our own Mahallah (College) Ruqayyah, I guess it feels somewhat a duty for me to actually contribute something in return. I volunteered as a committee for a coloring contest organised for kids. Our roles are divided fairly during meetings and I was in charge in the Prep&Tech; the one who prepares every material needed for the actual event. 

            The contest was held this morning at the mahallah hall and alhamdulillah we gained quite an impressive number of participants :D Since we're all first timers, things went rather chaotic before we finally got it under control heee. 

            Oh oh and the participants! Little kids clinging to their older brother and sister, it's just so sweet :') There's this cute little boy calling me "Kakak, kakak, abang dah siap" referring to his older brother who's done coloring. And then he kept on asking his abang "Abang, abang, monyet ni warna apa? Urm mata dia?" which is to me, sangat comel hihi.

            While the evaluation was going on in some secret room, we had some games for the kids. One was the so-called musical chair; can't go without it can we? Haha. So it's quite troublesome when we have these little siblings clinging on to their abangs and kakaks because you see, accidents could happen in the middle of these kids struggling (Y) hard to get themselves a chair. But this one little boy, around 2 or 3 y/o, just won't let go off her sister! I thought the sister would shoo him away but what touches me was the fact that the sister just simply asked "Boleh tak kalau dia duduk atas riba saya?" . We all went "Aaaaaaa boleh boleh" but thankfully their mother came into rescue, pulling away the little boy.  Settled. The game then continued, and in games of course we had those losing ones. A girl cried when she had to give her chair to her sister :'( In the end the two of them were dragged out of the game by their mother, trying to console the older one. 

            After the event, a parent came up to one of our committees and literally thanked us for our good effort. He said he never had any father-son bonding time with his child due to his busy job as a lawyer but today, he said his son came up to him and say "Thank you" sebab bawak dia masuk contest ni :') I got a little teary. It felt really great to know that we actually did some good to other people. 


There's just so much things we can learn from kids.
May God bless. 

Severe Cases

Will you help

destroy the devil?

Crush them into crumpled paper

torn into tiny pieces,

Scatter them on fire 

turned into ashes,

Let the black particles flew along with the breeze

directed to the open,

Let us drown them deep in the blue

to the soil downward.

Where lights are foreign,

Not even to peek.

Dark.

Where revival is an option no longer relevant.

Forked

          

            What have I become? Or should I say, what have we become? Monsters of our own desire and lust? 

            “Go home.” I hear it whispering, close to my ears. I wish to, but how? How am I supposed to go home when I myself have erased the route away from my mind? It is in this woods that I encounter remorse. Not because of the journey, but because of the detour I made before. 

             The moment I stepped my foot way beyond the path that I should’ve traveled, I don’t dare look back, for I fear the Master’s urging rage. I fear him, but then the people in the house tell me that I shall fret not. He forgives more than anyone else does, he accepts more than anyone else does, they say. As long as I return, reward awaits. REWARDS indeed. 

             The question is; can I simply put off this boots? They are the ones dragging me further away. I need to go. I have to. The blame, is somehow on me. I can’t seem to have the guts to even untie the laces. My worry is at the thoughts of it being taken by someone else. THAT is something beyond my control, I am fully aware of. Trust me I’ll come back to you. Trust me on this one baby, please. 

            When the time comes, I’ll rush my way here. I promise. I dream of happiness, of peace, in my home, in our home. Not only for me, but for you too.     

p/s: Sayang tak terluah. Payah, kononnya. 

One Hell of A Week

Pretty exaggerating huh? The real thing may not be that bad but I find this past few days rather exhausting and tiring that I was totally worn out. It was seriously torturing. I don't know what's the exact point of me actually telling this, but I think it MAY ease everything, even just a bit. This is the list of my recent unfortunate events.


1.    I went home a couple weeks back. On 19th morning I had my braces tightened then headed back to PJ that evening. I was kind of happy since the doctor had my band colour changed to PINK! This one REALLY pays. Imagine having your teeth being forced inward. It hurt like hell. I was even awakened in the middle of the night by this so called dental pain. Padan muka siapa suruh pakai braces. >.< 


2.    The mishap continued the next day, or the next two days. I couldn't recall. I was walking back from IRK class along the corridor together with my friends. I was the one in front and I walked very slowly since I was sleepy. Muehehe biasa la lepas kelas IRK. Mengantuk sakan. One very slow step after another then BOOM! There I fell. Don't talk to me about getting all embarrassed. -,-  So then again, the pain. UNBEARABLE I TELL YOU ! My left feet was swollen to the extent where I can't even walk properly. It still is :( The short trip to the bathroom had never seemed so long. It hurt so much that I cried while in the shower :'( And time-time macam ni la yang teringat umi abah so homesick pun datang balik.


3.   I misplaced my file.


4.   FYI I need to verify my graduation slip and send it to the office before being able to further my degree in Gombak. Guess what? The. slip. was. in. that. file. The deadline for the verified slip submission was the next day. GREAT. 


5. I went everywhere looking for the file. Turned out I left it at the class -,- Seeing the slip in the file, you couldn't tell how relieved I was. What I had to do next was to hand it to Madam Adlina for her verification and that's it. Or so was what I thought. When I went to see her she told me that I had to send it to the General Office before she could sign it. Okay.


6. Now where the hell is the GENERAL OFFICE? She did explain how to get there but I was in a state in which my mind couldn't interpret things properly. I was mad. My friends could just simply hand in their slips without going to the General Office. Why can't I do the same? 


7.  With my swollen feet, I went seeking for the so called GO. I went to the Information Center but nobody was there. So I went to whatever office there was and asked. A staff told me that the GO was the Art Department. Off to the Art Department I went. When I stepped inside, a pakcik with a pretty garang face asked me harshly "Nak apa ni?". Note this please. Do not garang-garang with me. I'm FRAGILE. I was so offended by his rudeness that I began to cry. Only then he tried to be nice. 


"Eh awak kenapa ni?"  Did you really need to see my tears to treat me nicely? I tried to answer "Saya nak tau GO dekat bangunan mana" but nothing came out from my mouth as I was already sobbing. Bahu terhinggut bagai. You can say I was breaking down really hard. And there was this brother yang mashaallah baik sangat datang and tanya "What's wrong?" "Are you having any problem?" "Take a seat and calm down." I couldn't say anything because of the sobbing. All I did was shaking my head. He saw the blue slip I was holding and took it. 


"Ohh. Is there anything wrong with your results record?"
*shaking head*
"So you're crying because of other problem?"
*nodding head*
"You need to send this to the IRKHS Department for verification first before submitting it here."
All I could say was "Thanks." 


He even handed me some tissues oh so kind la this guy. God bless him. So I went back to my room and decided to go to IRKHS Department after having lunch since it was lunch hour. Nobody would be there at that time anyway. Dalam bilik sambung sobbing lagi sampai roommmates pun tak berani tegur. 

Sedih nya sedih nya sedihnyaaaaaaaaaaaaa gigi sakit kaki sakit fail hilang tak jumpa GO lepastu kena tengking dengan pakcik tu tsk.


April, please be nice.  

March 16th

Love Between You and Me

"Love dengan siapa?" dia tanya. "Dengan Dia" jari telunjuk ke atas.



IM Nazrul started off by stating evidences which proves bahawasanya Dia lah yang Maha Penyayang. Tapi missed banyak points sebab tak bawak buku nota :( Pen pun taaaaak. Apa ni apa ni pergi talk tapi tak bawak apape sobs.

1. Allah jadikan kita manusia. Sebaik-baik kejadian. Jadikan kita khalifah di bumi. He bestowed upon us nikmat penglihatan, nikmat pendengaran dan yang paling penting, nikmat akal. 

2. Allah utuskan rasul dan panduan kepada manusia. Meaning, He doesn't let us wander aimlessly in this world without any guidance. Sangat loving, kan?

3. Allah bukakan pintu taubat buat manusia. Sebab Allah dah tau fitrah manusia ni memang suka kepada kemungkaran.

And this one particular hadith, proves it all :')

"Allah Yang Maha Tinggi berfirman; Wahai anak Adam, sesungguhnya jika kamu berdoa kepada Ku dan mengharapkan Ku, maka Aku akan mengampunimu atas semua dosa yang kamu lakukan, dan Aku tidak peduli. Wahai anak Adam, andaikata dosa-dosamu itu sampai ke puncak langit kemudian kamu meminta ampunan kepada Ku nescaya Aku ampuni dan Aku tidak peduli. Wahai anak Adam, seandainya kamu datang kepada Ku dengan dosa yang besarnya seisi bumi seluruhnya kemudian datang menemui Ku dan tidak menyekutukan Aku dengan yang lain, nescaya Aku akan datang kepadamu dengan ampunan yang besarnya seisi bumi seluruhnya."    

      - Hadis sahih taken here, mentioned by IM Nazrul.

What do we do in return? 

Kosong

Ada yang hilang.

Tapi tak tau apa benda nya.

Faham tak the sense of incompleteness?

Perjalanan mencari apa yang hilang bukan senang.

Dan tak susah.

Antara mahu dan tidak, itu je.

Well I'm not those candies

There REALLY are people messing with my nerves right now.


YOU.GET OUTTA MY SIGHT.


Avada Kedavra!


DIE 
DIE 
DIE


What did I do to you that you're so fond of irritating me using every single chance you have?

I'm hungry when I'm angry :3

Nasib baik aku penyabar kihkih
okay enough.

No I didn't see it coming.


Had I been more observant, I could have sensed it earlier and perhaps..things would've been a lot more different. 


But then this is the path that I chose. 


The path where I believe my love lies.


And so the reason on how hard I strive to keep things in line, shouldn't it be obvious by now?


I'll keep on going. 


Equipped with the navigator and a compass, I shall not lose my way.


Even if the compass breaks, the stars will always be willing to guide.  


And most importantly, I should never question His doings. I need to be thankful, for what I have might be something that others have been dying to have. 




  

For The Tenth

Dear you,

THANKS    :')

"You are, and always have been, my dream."

The Notebook.

Another Unproductive Day.

I whine continuously, you see
and I hate it.

I complain when I have classes.
I complain when I don't have classes either!
I don't like it when I have tonnes of workloads.
I don't like it too when I have nothing to do.
Like a useless curmudgeon, I'd say.

Okay most of the time I just pretend that I have nothing to do and just linger around like a lazy bum bum.
At the end of the day you'll find Nurul Athirah lying on bed staring into the ceiling, full of remorse.

Note to self : You're pathetic, you know? PATHETIC.

Oooohhhh.

Semalam 9Muharram.

Harini dah 10 Muharram. 

Fadhilat berpuasa 9 dan 10 Muharram : diampunkan dosa setahun sebelumnya o.O

Ombak Rindu di Terminal One

Semalam pergi Seremban. Teminal One. Sebab? Ombak Rindu.
Tak, tak pernah baca. Tapi orang sekeliling yang baca dah puas bercerita jadi maksud nya walaupun tak baca, tahu semua jalan cerita. Terima kasih.

Tapi sebenarnya tujuan utama bukan Ombak Rindu. Saja sebenarnya nak kenal bandar Seremban sementara masih bermastautin di Negeri Sembilan ni. Walaupun hanya lawat satu mall, pun jadi laaa :) Dan awal pagi tu ada exam satu jam. Konon nya nak release tension. Padahal takda la tension mana pun.

Sampai dalam pukul 12 lebih, tapi bila check Ombak Rindu pukul 2.30....jadi kami bertiga makan solat dulu la. Selepas tu jalan-jalan menuju ke cinema ternampak muka yang familiar. Eh tu Bugie kannn? Ambik masa jugak nak mencerna balik kenapa wujudnya seorang Bugie di tengah-tengah Seremban ni. Baru teringat yang dia belajar dekat KMS. Terus jerit nama dia tapi tapi tapi...Bugie xdengaaar :( letih panggil isk. Rupa-rupanya excited jugak bila nampak kawan lama hik.

Bila masuk panggung tu terkejut jugak sebab ada lelaki lelaki. Ada eh guys yang minat Ombak Rindu? Kalau yang datang dengan gewe tu understandable la kot kena paksa ke ape. Tapi ni..a group of them. Kawan sebelah dah bisik "Mamat-mamat kaki novel lah kot hihihi" Lantaakkkk. Lepas tu ternampak Bugie lagi. Wuaaaaaaaaa Bugie tengok Ombak Rinduuuuu !!!! Okay tak pelik sebenarnya haha.

Ombak Rindu. Entah. Story line menarik.
Tapi yang tak suka nya bila ada scene yang macam...err-okay-tak-perlu-langsung-kan.
Orang kalau tengah jemur baju tak perlu berkemban, kan?
Kalau nak tunjuk wujudnya sexual intercourse antara dua watak ada caranya untuk tak keterlaluan, kan?
Apalagi kalau pelakon tu dah kahwin. Tak faham kenapa boleh setuju untuk berlakon macam tu. Serius tak faham. But then siapa lah saya nak judge benda benda macam ni. Saya pelajar umur lapanbelas je. Tak tahu apa-apa.

Tapi touched jugak la. Ada la scene yang buat kita menangis. Ada jugak la benda yang dapat dari movie tu. Tapi bila boring nak pandang depan, pandang lah kiri kanan kan? hihi.
Pandang kiri nampak sorang mak cik datang dengan anak-anak dia.3 orang anak dia kalau tak silap. Kecik-kecik semua nya. Peminat Ombak Rindu tegar barangkali. Kesian dia nak fokus pun susah sebab anak-anak dia jenis yang hyper. So then again, ada KANAK-KANAK dalam panggung. Some of the scenes..are not nice kan, for those kids? Movie tu berlabel "U". Oh, mungkin kanak-kanak tak faham kan? Mungkin.

Bila dah habis Ombak Rindu jalan-jalan sekeliling mall tu. Lagi besar dari KBmall, kaki pun dah naik lenguh. Jalan-jalan cuci mata, makan, minum, dan balik.
Saje je nak cerita pengalaman kedua tengok movie dekat cinema hihi.

...and sometimes I lose it

There are times when I miss home badly.

I miss umi, abah, didi, iyad and teh.big time :(

When I'm home, we all sleep in the same room, share the same blanket and all.

Then one night I just couldn't get myself to sleep. I tried so hard but it won't work. Iyad rolled toward me, so did Didi and I just stayed still, watching those two lost in their deep sleep, wandering in their own dreams.

I heard Abah's snoring, poor Abah and Umi had been working hard. That's why I feel bad. I should've done the same too, in terms of efforts I mean.

And then it got me thinking, what if that was my last night living? I'll never hear Abah snoring in the midnight again.
Never had the chance of celebrating Hari Raya with my dearest ones anymore.
Never had the chance of saying goodbye.
Never had the chance of returning home to Abah and Umi.
Never had the chance of pursuing my dreams.

But most of all, I'm just terrified.

All His words lingered in my head all night long.
The promises to those who believe
The definite punishments to those who choose not to believe
The sins I committed
The tiny good deeds that never seem enough

*sigh*

There's a lot more to improve.
Nurul Athirah, wake up.